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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24357946">Regret</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie9646/pseuds/Charlie9646'>Charlie9646</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AU, Angst, Drabble, F/M, Marauders era, Regret, Severus and Lily friendship, mentions of minor character death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:35:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>995</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24357946</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie9646/pseuds/Charlie9646</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The order needed a spy. They were dying left and right, lucky enough Lily might know of a Death Eater experiencing a change of heart.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Talk Isn't Cheap Fest</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Regret</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">



        <li>In response to a prompt by
            Anonymous in the <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Talk_Isnt_Cheap">Talk_Isnt_Cheap</a>
          collection.
        </li>
    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>
  <strong>Prompt:</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Character A: "I did something horrible."</p><p>Character B: "Want to talk about it?"</p><p>Character A: "No, not really."</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
  <span>“Make peace with your broken pieces.” Th Sin</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Severus Snape knew regret far too well… It was like another person who simply lived in his childhood home, though it didn’t pay rent, then again it also didn’t eat. His mother regretted the choice she made to marry his father. A man who would never be able to truly understand her, and was in many ways, as different from her as night and day. Tobias also regretted the choice to marry Eileen, though that had more to do with the fact the man thought she must have bewitched him. Even if that were the case, she could have left him when his temper turned sour towards her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No, it was no magic that bound those two together, but regret—the regret of not choosing another and not having the courage to end it. The part of it though fell onto the shoulders of the child that they had created. Being born in the displeasure of your parent's choices was like a mark burned on your skin. It’s always there, always reminding you, always mocking you. It’s the cross you never choose to bear or carry, but your cross all the same. Nothing can be done about it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Or you make your own wrong choices. Though, you gain your own regret, your own cross to carry, and the cycle begins once again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Severus wasn’t going to continue that cycle, he promised himself as much. He was going to make something of himself, become someone he could be proud of, someone without any regrets… Someone like the Dark Lord.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  
  
  <span>                   ****************************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lily found him, sitting there at the bar. His narrow, rigid, rather lean frame was sticking out sharply among the rest of the crowd. Though what gave Severus away more than anything was his long black hair. Hair that was straight as a pencil, but also as black as ink. Her former friend was an odd fellow, a strange creature, but her friend all the same.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Why in the world was she seeking this man out? Was it out of pity? Lily knew he was lonely, not unlike a stray dog begging for scraps, willing to take anything that a kind hand would give him. But, also fearful, afraid of the blow he had grown to expect. It wasn’t a child’s job to deal with such things. Lily knew that looking back. It was not a child’s place to be an emotional crutch for their friend,  but hindsight was twenty-twenty as much as we hate to admit it, and at the time there had been no one else.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At least not someone who wouldn’t make things worse. But, there had come a time that Lily realised she was not doing any bloody good, and he was only harming her. The harm that felt shoving daggers into her skin. Long ago that man had been her best friend, someone that maybe just maybe she could have loved.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But, it was not to be. Not meant to be in the same way people were just not meant to breathe underwater. It just was what it was. Severus said what he said, and she made her own feelings known. But, it had been years, sometimes it felt like a lifetime ago, though here now in this instant it felt like yesterday.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Albus Dumbledore had asked her to do this, asked Lily to try. They needed a spy. Someone who had connections to both the light and the dark. Someone who knew occlumency. Someone who could be twisted to their side. Someone like Severus Snape.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lily sat down next to him, taking in every detail of his pale face. Severus was handsome, though he could not see it. He was handsome in his own way. His skin was as pale as the fair folk as her mother used to say. Her mother wasn’t saying anything now, though, not after what the Death Eater’s had done to her. His eyes were as black as coal. His long talon-like fingers were reaching for his glass.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was then that he saw her, the sheer shock of it all marring Severus’ face. It was like he had seen a ghost or something out of a dream. Severus looked so different than he had at Hogwarts, dressed from head to toe in black, buttoned uptight. Severus wore his robes like they were armour, shielding him from all that might come too close to him. The man wasn’t always like this, closed off to everyone and everything.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At least he hadn’t been to Lily, though it might be her own memory failing her. Rose-coloured glasses were a thing anyone could suffer from. Long ago she had been jaded to what the man before her had become, though now wasn’t the case. To protect herself, Lily had to see Severus clearly, as the man he was now - not the boy he once was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She did not bother ordering a drink. Lily needed to be clear-headed for this, even if Severus was not.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He took another sip of his drink, the amber colour liquid, reflecting the dim lights of the bar. She had to do this. Lily had to. For all those who were lost and all those who might be.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lily,” Severus murmured, clearly quite tipsy, possibly even drunk. “I did something horrible.” She ached at those words, but her mind was sharp as steel.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It had to happen, no matter what.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Want to talk about it?” Lily asked him, her voice croaking as she did so.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, not really.” He said softly, tears falling from his black eyes. They came down like rivers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You could help us Sev, help the order and together we can make a difference. We can stop him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I would,” Severus whispered. “I want to change.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lily took her friend’s hand into her own, together, they would deal with their regrets, all of them. Side by side like they had once been, long ago.</span>
</p><p>
  
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>
  
</p><p> </p>
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